November 25th Impact Wrestling

(Digital Media Exclusive)  Jake Something defeats Matthew Rehwoldt…Black Hole Slam for the win (04:10)…match aired online, Nov. 23^th.

*The Impact Zone continues its’ residency in the Sam’s Town Hotel, Las Vegas…but this WRESTLE HOUSE 2 Special takes place in some undisclosed location, reachable only by the powers of the Demon Assassin, Rosemary.

*The next Impact+ special will be the return of the IPWF for Throwback Throwdown II on December 18 from Louisville, KY.

(BTI)  Chris Bey defeats Fallah Bahh…Art of Finesse for the win (08:12).

*WRESTLE HOUSE 2 starts the show with a ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas-esque intro by Father James Mitchell…& we’re reminded early on that anyone foolish enough to try to leave Wrestle House encounters their worst fear when Swinger opens a door to find “The Ghost of Rizzats Past” presenting him with his illegitimate offspring…this time they’re here for as long as it takes to make Swinger happy & thankful again…at the price of Bravo’s virgin soul…Kaleb has a crush on Swingerella #2 (Riley), but she’s in love with Chris Sabin…which leads to our first match…

(1)  Chris Sabin defeats Kaleb…Cradle Shock for the win (02:00).

*Alisha, Bravo, & Madison have a plan to cheer up Swinger…reuniting him with his IPWF buddy Downtown Daddy Brown (old man Willie Mack)…of course it doesn’t go well because Swinger slept with DD Brown’s step-daughter…leading to…

(2)  Downtown Daddy Brown defeats Johnny Swinger…Downtown Elbow Drop for the win (03:41).

*Alisha spills that they’re all in Wrestle House for Swinger & the news doesn’t go over well with the Swingman, who storms off.

*Madison figures out that they’re trapped in Wrestle House for something more than Swinger’s happiness & the house chooses sides…Madison, Kaleb, Alisha, & Hernandez seem to be the only ones in a hurry to get home & they’re willing to fight for it…they need another teammate, though, & Alisha asks for Eddie to be teleported in…leading to…

(3)  Decay & Chris Sabin defeat Madison, Kaleb, Hernandez, Alisha, & Eddie Edwards…Rosemary Spears Alisha for the win (04:23).

*Rosemary realizes that Swingerella #1 has feelings for Johnny & decides to help her land her man…they visit the “Lord of the Manner” for help…Swingerella #1 brings in her “boyfriend” (& Swinger’s nemesis) Lawrence D. in an attempt to make Swinger jealous…turns out it’s Lawrence’s house, explaining the awful smell (Ring Rust)…naturally this doesn’t work either, but Crazzy Steve thinks he knows who can get through to Swinger…

*Locker Room Talk…Madison brings in “Gene Simmons” (The Demon) to cheer Swinger up…Demon makes Swinger see that he needs someone to settle down with…Johnny offers to make Swingerella#1 his one & only but Lawrence D’s feelings for her are no longer pretend…soooo…

(4)  Johnny Swinger defeats Lawrence D.…referee Bravo catches Lawrence using Ring Rust & as the ref disposes of the bottle, Swinger manages to “Fuji” Lawrence D & hit the Swing Thing for the win (03:15)…AFTER…Johnny proposes to Swingerella #1 & she says YES…but Rosemary reminds us that no one gets to go home until we get  to the altar!

*Swinger asks Hernandez to be his best man & decides to forgo his bachelor party…Hernandez overhears Rosemary & Bravo explaining the real reason they’re all here & Hernandez tries to save Bravo’s soul…leading to…

(5)  Black Taurus defeats Hernandez…after a gore that splits Hernandez’s pants, Taurus rolls him up for the win (02:30)…AFTER…Rosemary wipes any memory of her sinister plan from Hernandez’s memory & he’s off to find Homicide & Konnan.

*Eddie overhears Rosemary & Bravo discussing their deal & threatens to expose their plan to everyone…Rosemary wipes Eddie’s memory back to the disastrous Brian Cage wedding of 2019.

*Father James Mitchell once again presides over the ceremony…a drunken Eddie stumbles in…Rosemary has Taurus & Steve escort him out but Eddie & Hernandez manage to expose Rosemary’s plan…Bravo reveals he’s no longer a virgin anyway, foiling Rosemary’s plan…but Swingerella #1 (aka Broomhilda) reveals that she’s the one who has been sleeping with Bravo…they beg Swinger’s forgiveness which he happily gives because it reminds him of Rule #2 of Professional Wrestling: never fall for a rizzat…Swinger gleefully walks off…Bravo proposes to Broomhilda & Fr. Mitchell seals the deal…

*The wedding reception doubles as a Thanksgiving feast, complete with a thankful toast by Johnny Swinger & an appearance by Downtown Daddy Santa.

…and now I feel like I might just know what an acid trip feels like.

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